"I knew that having the abortion was merely about Perception. I had a good reputation and was thought highly of. A pregnancy would have changed people’s perception of me, throw my freedom out the window and made me be something I did not want to be…a mother." - Kendra

1. How old were you when you had your abortion?

I was 18. 
 
2. Whose decision was it for you to have the procedure done? Did anyone influence or persuade you into making the decision?

It was my decision solely.  I did not even give the father an opportunity to say no.  My influence was how it would affect my grandmother (who raised me better).  I did not want to disappoint her and I was not ready for a child.  I did not want the responsibility and I had none at the time (besides myself). 
 
3. Were you aware of all of the alternatives to abortion beforehand?

I was aware of all other alternatives.  I went through an extensive class including a video and there was a waiting period to give me time to think about the decision.

  
4. What was the experience of the abortion like for you?

The experience for me was a little lonely, but satisfying.  The father dropped me off at the hospital since he had to go to work.  I took the bus and train home afterwards by myself. 

I did not tell anyone until years later.  The only person who knew was the father.  I was happy that abortion was available because a child would have stopped me, depressed me and I would have probably resented having the child when I did not want one. 
 
5. Afterwards, what did you think about yourself? What were some of the thoughts going on in your mind?

Afterwards I did not put myself down.  I knew that having the abortion was merely about Perception.  I had a good reputation and was thought highly of.  A pregnancy would have changed people’s perception of me, throw my freedom out the window and made me be something I did not want to be…a mother.  I also felt that I would be doing the child in injustice since I did not want a child in the first place 
 
6. What kind of thoughts did you have about the doctor who performed the abortion?

I never gave the doctor a second thought.  Thinking about it now; I am grateful he was there. 
 
7. Did your family and friends know you were considering having an abortion? If so, what were their thoughts?

No one knew.  When someone asked (because they saw a pamphlet); I denied it.  To this day I have not confessed to them. 
 
8. Since the abortion, have you been able to forgive yourself for making that decision?

I forgave myself that day I believe.  I knew it was a matter of life or death for my future.  In my eyes I chose life for me.  I knew that God was just to forgive me and threw my sin into a sea of forgetfulness.  I apologized and made sure I did not put myself in that situation again. 
 
9. How were you able to cope? 
Making my family proud of me; especially my grandmother was always priority.  I coped knowing that I was still who she thought I was in her eyes.  It was like I had dodged a bullet and I could start all over.  I made a decision to be so extra careful after that day and have not got pregnant since (even through a marriage).

 
10. If you could tell one woman or young girl something to influence them to explore a choice other than abortion, what would that be?

The only other choice I would encourage a woman or young girl is abstinence.  This is the only way every month you can be sure you are not with child.  This is the best choice!  And it cuts down the repenting as well. 

My answers may be blunt and sound as if I have no remorse.  I do not desire to sound uncaring and cold, but I always said I would have an abortion if I got pregnant.   Prevention methods were already pre-planned.  I knew that having pre-martial sex was wrong.  My thought process was I might as well “cover up” my mistake.  I agree with allowing a woman to make her own decisions in life.  I cannot judge.  I can only be a support!

As strange as it is; years later when I was married; a friend of mine asked me to be their child’s godmother.  This child was born right around the time I had an abortion and they would have been the same age.  Could this be the Lord showing me what could have been?  We are so much alike and others even see it.  I believe God gave me a second chance to love my child through my godchild.

Thanks for the opportunity to share.  I pray I can help someone.

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