Today, I really don’t know in which direction this post will go in. I just feel like writing and sharing my heart with the people who are connected with my life, whether directly or indirectly.

There has been some shifting going on in my spirit. I feel something good - no, I mean something great - about to happen in my life. God is breaking some things in me so He can push my ministry to the next level. Funeral arrangements are being made for the dead things in my life. Habits and Relationships are, as I type this, dying.

Recently, I cried. At the time, I was filled with so many emotions. I cried for different reasons. Some months ago, I was in a relationship with a man I knew I wasn’t supposed to be with. We were together close to five years. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be with him, but I stayed anyway. Sinning is wrong, but it’s so hard to break free of some things sometimes. I didn’t want to let that man go even though I knew something just didn’t feel right.

That whole relationship was just wrong. Yes, I knew this. We were supposed to get married several times, but some time before we were supposed to take that step, I’d talk to God. I’d ask Him to show me anything I needed to see. I knew he was wrong for me. I just thought I needed confirmation. So, God would show me things and I’d push the date for us to get married back. I did that several times. I wanted God to change His mind. I wanted God to change the man I was with into the man I wanted him to be.

I kept thinking to myself that I did not feel like I really wanted to wake up to him for the rest of our days together. I want to get married once and felt like I’d be stuck with someone unworthy of me. I wasn’t deep into the whole ministry thing at the time, but I knew God wanted to work through me and that particular man couldn’t cover me. When God told me to move, I did. I was tired of playing house anyway.

Some people even thought I was crazy for leaving him. They told me I shouldn’t leave such a “good” man. Apparently their definition of a good man is far different from mine. They felt like since he was a good provider financially and we “seemed” to be so happy together, that I should stay with him, get married and just work some things out. His way of thinking was messed up too. He had this idea that we were supposed to get married first and THEN we could work on our spiritual lives. He thought that things were going to magically get better after we got married. Right!

Anyway, when I decided to leave, I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. God had prepared me for the separation so no tears were shed because of my departure. I felt good about my decision. Yes, I left him a few times before and went back. I did…Haven’t we all done that at least a time or two? However, this time was different. When I cried, it was because I got confirmation in my spirit that part of my life was officially dead.

I cried because I thought about all of the times I asked God to show me what I needed to see in order to end the relationship and I still stayed with him. Those years of my life are gone and were wasted on someone so undeserving of me. I cried too because although we had issues, that man had been my closest friend for years. I knew that “friendship” had to die as well.

Initially, I thought I was mad at him because we couldn’t get it right. I even called and told him that. However, I realized that I was mad at myself for staying with him as long as I did. I was mad because in the beginning, I didn’t listen to God and suffered so much because of that.

The day I cried, God had given me confirmation that I had made the right decision. Ending that relationship was one of the hardest, but best things I could have ever done. Leaving was one of the things I had to do in order to get my ministry in order and that confirmation from God felt good. Once I realized that, my tears of sadness became tears of joy. I was happy that I decided to take a step out on faith. Things in my life are looking so much better now.

Along with this particular relationship, I’m draining the life out of habits and other relationships that need to die. I say goodbye, happily, knowing that there are some awesome things ahead.

Got some things you need to let die?

Stay connected and watch God move!

In Him,

Ayana E.
myspace.com/ayanaelon