+ What choices in life do you need to make in order to grow closer to God? +

Original Post Date: April 12, 2007

Choices.

Everyday we make choices - whether it be between what we will wear for the day or what we will eat for breakfast.

I made a spiritual choice recently that has made life more easier for me to live.

I decided to listen to God and finally end a relationship that I was in for almost five years. While that may not seem like anything major, that one decision is one of the factors that will ultimately help set the course of my ministry. We both went into the relationship knowing that I only wanted sex with no real committment, even though he was going to be the only one I would be with. Eventually, we started having strong feelings for one another and decided to move in together.

He took care of me and my sons. He went to work and paid the bills. I stayed home. I cooked, cleaned the house, and made it so that when he came home from work, he didn't have much to do besides eat and just relax. We played house. I acted as his wife and he as my husband. I was comfortable. We both were.

When God started giving me visions for my ministry, I was not willing to step out of my comfort zone and give my life completely to Him. While I was all for sharing my testimonies with others and helping people along the way, I felt like God was asking for way too much. I felt like He should let me keep living the same way I had been living for years and still allow me to go forth with His vision for my life.

I was comfortable - a little too comfortable in such a sinful, non-progressive situation. I wanted to do right, but being "wrong" felt so good. I felt secure with him - even when God was making my comfortable place, not-so-comfortable. I still chose to stay. When we started to have problems in our relationship, I still settled for the secureness he provided instead of moving closer to God. I tried leaving and ended up going right back to him - back to the same problems, back to settling for less than what I deserve because being with him was a "familiar" place.

I gave God little pieces of my heart and reserved the rest for the man in my life. When he asked me to marry him, I tried to cover up the fact that I still felt guilty when we had sex. I thought by having the engagement ring on my finger would make God say that what we were doing was okay. As long as we were going to get married, having pre-marital sex was okay. Now, why was I trying to trick God knowing well that it was not at all possible for me to do so?

Despite the things I kept doing, I kept hearing His voice. God's voice was just as clear to me as anything I have ever heard in the natural. Still, it took me a long time before I really got tired of playing house. I got tired of "playing" the role of being a wife without the true covering that God-honoring covenant provides. Being with him left me feeling empty, ashamed, broken, and hurt. I was tired. My life seemed pointless. There was no real direction and I was, at the time, just existing.

Still hearing God's voice, I began to really think about life. Period. Life is short, no matter how long we are given. Whether it be 20 or 80 years, life is still too short. I wanted to make mine count. I wanted to live my life for Him. No more half-steppin'. It was going to be all or nothing. Either I was going to stay in my comfort-zone and keep being hurt and stuck in a sin relationship or I was going to step out on faith and just let Him use me. I had to put all of my trust in God.

(Mark 11:22"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. 23"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.")

(Also read it - 1 Cor. 12:7-11)

During my brokenness, even when I thought I was not worthy to do great works for Him, He saw fit to fill me with the Holy Spirit. He healed my heart before I left my ex so that I wouldn't be hurting over something that took up so much of my time...Time I could have been using to glorify God.

(Romans 10:9 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.")

That one choice, has made my life richer. I have a stronger relationship with God. I'm actually in love with Him and the love He gives me is so much more wonderful than anything my ex or any other man before him, could have ever given me. He has shown me and now I know my true worth. I no longer feel like I have to settle. And as much as I thought I'd just die if I didn't have sex, being celibate really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm at peace. My heart is clear and my mind is free of stuff that was blocking the clear view of the visions God has for me and my purpose. I am happy and doing quite well. I no longer feel empty, ashamed, broken, or hurt. God took care of all of that when I decided to give my life to Him.

(Matthew 11:28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.")

My life is no longer my own.

I want Him to use me.

I'm driven to love like Him and do great works like Him...I'm going to be able to just that...all because I made a choice.

What choices in life do you need to make in order to grow closer to God? What do you need to choose between in order to fulfill your purpose in life?

Pray for clarity. Step out on faith and let Him use you.

You have one life. Make it count. Choose God.

It really is that simple.

Best,

Ayana E.
myspace.com/ayanaelon

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